Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
