i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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