At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
