High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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