What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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