You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
