i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
