I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
