My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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