Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
