she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
