my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
