I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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