I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
