matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
