Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Watching her eat just hurts me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
