You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
worst night to have a conscience
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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