I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need to calm my uterus...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
