Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
