Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
