two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
