Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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