Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
