Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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