I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Terrible idea I love it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
