I heard we made out
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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