We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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