dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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