I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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