I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
