god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
