his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
