Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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