Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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