I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
