Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
