it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
