I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
