apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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