He felt like a one man threesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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