U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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