why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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