The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
