if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
