Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
