She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Panties = found
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