you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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