Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
