i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
