If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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