I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
