I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
