If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
