So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
