I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
