Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
