The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
