I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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