I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
