I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
