And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
