She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
