Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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