Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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