my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
